Corporate Prostitution

Partnering with big business to corner merchandising

and product placing Lucas has announced he will team up

with McDonald's for a new reality show.

TAUNTAUN WHISPERER

Admiral George S. Akbar

Be seated…

I want you to remember that no bastard ever blew up a Death Star by dying for his planet. He did it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his.

Now, the rebel alliance is a team - it lives, eats, sleeps, fights as a team. This individuality stuff is a bunch of crap. The bilious bastards who came up with that stuff about individuality know as much about battle as they do about the Force.

Men, all this stuff you've heard about the alliance not wanting to fight, wanting to stay out of the war, is a lot of horse dung. Rebels traditionally love to fight. All real rebels love the sting of battle. When you were kids, you all admired the champion womp-rat shooter, the fastest pod racer, big league mango-ball players, the toughest Jedi. The alliance loves a winner and will not tolerate a loser. Rebels play to win all the time. I wouldn't give a hoot in hell for a Corellian who lost and laughed. That's why the Jedi have never lost, and will never lose a war... because the very thought of losing is hateful to the Jedi.

Now there's another thing I want you to remember. I don't want to get any messages saying that "we are holding our position." We're not holding anything. Let the Imperials do that. We are advancing constantly and we're not interested in holding onto anything except the enemy. We're going to hold onto him by the nose and we're going to kick him in the ass. We're going to kick the hell out of him all the time and we're going to go through him like poodoo through a dewback! Were not just going to shoot the bastards, were going to cut out their living guts and use them to grease the cybernetics on our belly quad laser turrets. We’re going to murder those lousy Imperial bastards by the bushel.



When you have to crawl into a bunch of goo that a moment before was your tauntaun to keep your ass from freezing off: well, you'll know what to do.

Thirty years from now, when you're sitting around your moisture vaporator with your grandson on your knee and he asks you, "What did you do in the great War of the Stars," you won't have to say, "Well... I shoveled sand on Tatooine."

Introducing...

ProMagnon Man, the Cubicle Dweller, or Cube Dweller to the laymen out there. (see bottom of blog for further details.)

And without further delay, here is this week's strip, enjoy...